Connection & Commitment

In My Meditation Today: I became very conscious of the force that holds me back from manifesting the biggest vision I have for myself. Recognize that I am terrified about what achieving fame and full financial freedom might mean for me and my marriage, for my time with my children and grandchildren. So I hold back. Instead of giving everything I do my all, I put in just enough effort to be moderately successful; opting for the safety of mediocrity rather than the perceived danger of excellence. Committing to excellence today. Releasing the restraints and letting myself soar.

Goddess Durga, Maa Durga, wallpapers, images, Maa Ambe, Happy NavratriThe Sapta Shloki consists of seven verses from the Devi Mahatmyam – The Grand Story of the Divine Mother. Reciting these seven verses is considered equivalent to reciting the entire 700 verse scripture. The sixth verse of the Sapta Shloki is

 

 

Rogan Aseshan Apahamsi Tushta

Rusta tu Kaman Sakalan Abhistan

Tvam Aashritanam na Vipannaranam

Tvam Aashrita Hya, Aashrayatam Prayanti

 

When pleased you destroy all afflictions

When displeased you thwart all aspirations

No calamity befalls those who have taken refuge in you

One who seeks refuge in you, herself becomes a refuge for others.

 

Of the seven verses in the Sapta Shloki, this one is special because it has both has the most troubling and the most uplifting thought of all seven verses.

Let us tackle the troublesome thought first.  I do not like the idea of a displeased God / Goddess. I find the idea of suggesting that a displeased Goddess robs you of your aspirations more disturbing, even abhorrent.  Over the years, I have come to terms with this by interpreting the “displeasure” as an experience of disconnection with the divine force within me. A disconnection with my highest potential which in turn results in a thwarting of my aspirations and ambitions.  

The most uplifting line, the line that for me describes my purpose in the world is the last line of this verse.

One who seeks refuge in you, herself becomes a refuge for others.

For me, this describes the effect of connection. The result of knowing and resting in the knowledge of my divinity is that I become a refuge for others in need. I achieve my full potential by being a solace and support to society.

Over the last couple of years, I have done several things that I believe are helping to move me closer to achieving my dreams. I enrolled and completed a creative non-fiction writing certificate;  started on a memoir; enrolled in a personal life coaching program; began coaching with a business coach to develop an online business and attract my ideal clients – those for whom I will become a refuge while they find their purpose and Iearn to shine, and I started this blog. I  have also started training and developing my physical strength and stamina. I ran a 5k and am now training for a 10k. So I have been breaking several mental barriers that said  – “ You are not a real writer”; “You are not a business woman”; “ You are not an athlete.”  As I break each mental barrier, I release and allow myself to get closer and closer to my full potential.

As I have been doing all of this, throughout the year, I also have several times been making promises to myself to stop drinking alcohol. The promises have varied from saying that I will only have a drink a day to saying that I will not drink anything at all for “X” number of days. I have been breaking my word to myself the same day that I make it. Every morning I decide that I will not drink and every evening I have been telling myself,

“ Oh come On! – You are never going to stop. You like your alcohol, so who are you fooling?”

Last Thursday, I spent some time trying to figure out why I was having so much trouble with keeping this commitment to myself. As I meditated and wrote, what became abundantly clear was that I was scared to commit fully to my well-being. I was so committed to success in other areas of my life; it was as if I needed something every day to remind me that I was not so great. That I sucked at something, and there was a weird comfort in that because as long as I was using something to keep my self-worth in check, it meant that I would not experience runaway success. The full import of Marianne Williamson’s lines

 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,

talented and fabulous?

 

dawned on me. I was terrified of fully committing to my success because there is a deep-seated belief that I can only get to my full potential if I lose something. The displeasure this verse speaks about is that disconnectedness with my divine potential that feeds that belief. That disconnectedness is causing me to thwart my aspirations and keep a lid on them. With this clarity, it has been easy to stay away from the alcohol. The little voice still pipes up every evening, but now I recognize it for what it is. The small, scared part of me that would rather keep me small and safe. It is now easy to hold and comfort her while I stick to my commitment to be my best self.

7 thoughts on “Connection & Commitment

  1. Thanks a lot.Knowing that you are able to break each of your mental barrier,has made me see my own mental barriers as something that I could also break, if I tried. Thanks so much.God bless

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